Me and Jamal..slumdogs rockstars

Now i know why i really like "Slumdog Millionaire"..not being offensive to any people who didn't like it for many reasons, but i like it because i have my reasons. Because i am a Slumdog,....non-millionaire.. :). Please don't judge, i don't want people to sterotype me...but that how it is...i will try to explain how..? From past many many days, i have been putting my feelings in the box, every single day, before going to bed and hoping that it won't jump out and confront me again.

Today, in morning, I WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM, But, while i was searching for my ID card, from no where i found something which I wasn't anticipating to find.....that was the "Valentine's Card" which i bought for him. It has his name and half address written in glittery fluorescent ink on it. Here we go again, I was not suppose to think about him, my morning shouldn't always start with grief of loss, atleast not the day of my exam and my interview for scholarship. And why i should always think about him??? Life should be more then than my this grief...so i decided that today i am gonna end it all. I two folded the card and put it in the pocket of my six pocket pajma, deciding that i am going to submerge this card in evening. Trying to be too smart :)....jaundice might have screwed my brain. The continuous fever and drooping of eyelids had made my life hard. I wasn't able to study continuously. I was forcing and fighting myself through every second, every minute of an hour. I barely made through my exam and not caring about how i did.

The marathon of the day was not over yet, i was just half way through. I had two hours between my interview and exam, which was at 3:30 PM. I decided to have an hour nap and then go home and quickly change for it.I woke up 5 minutes before my interview time as i was shivering in fever,...

"I'm so dead..O My god...omg, I panicked what i am gonna do now???...I looked so shity in my messed up hairs and my pajmas!!!... I started debating should I even go for interview or should i leave it???...does matter if i get this scholarship? As i sat back on my chair, the great valentine card started irritating me, in my edgy tone...i said .."what does this card want from me now..?" "God! ..things and him have become so demanding, hurting me in one way or another." I was getting frustrated. I stood up to take that card out from my pocket and tear into freaking pieces, millions small pieces.. as it has no significance whatsoever, ...when relationship is dead. there is no point in keeping things related to it. My mind immediately changed and i quickly picked up my white coat and power walked to the administration office for my interview in my loose sports pajma and messed up dry hairs. I apparently looked like a Slumdog :).

I was like Jamal, having nothing prepared for interview, going in there, with no fear of loss or gain...i told myself, who care about this interview, "life sucks "... . After few embarrassing moments as i was 15 minutes late, i went into room where i met two Indian students (one male n female), one blonde and one white guy, all nicely dressed up.

It was not regular Q/A interview, but we were being observed by Dr. Karl Vinesten, as we solved the medical case...just like HOUSE MD. We have to come up with our own differentials for the case in half hours and tell ....what we think is the condition and why we think so, on the bases of our medical knowledge so far.....?

I won't go into the details of the case that we were given, but we also got the electrocardiogram (ECG) to solve the case. Ah!! man, ECG is not my favorite thing to do. I felt like sitting in the chair of JAMAL again, not knowing the answer, looking like a slumdog, people sitting in front of me ...judging me, coz i look like Aishwariya Rai in my pj's and palled brown eyes.

"Basics is the key. Your foundation can only be strong if you basics of medicine is strong...stick to it"...golden rule given by my brother and I admit, i hardly follow it, I ramble all around, like a one jerk or slumdog :). But this was time, i had to stick to basics, because that all i knew, this guy in front of me, i think came up with the diagnostic like in 5-10 minutes, must be genius...and i was just trying to figure out the mean electrical vector, so i could know if it was myocardial infarction. I could feel that my body temp was getting normal, as i was more alert. But still I was Jamal.... only diff b/w him and me was he did cared..but i didn't..life sucks anyways...no matter what you do. Will this scholarship mend my heart, will his so called ignore therapy will end...the answer was NO, NOPE, NAH, NADA...etc etc..

I stated what ever i figured out and said i think it is right ventricle hypertrophy...etc etc...and this guy who was street smart came up with emphsema and here was the debate..what is it??? I explained my MEV and how i came up with it...to Dr. Vinesten and other audience. Looking at this desi girl.. i was thinking, why should he even care,??? after all there are so many beautiful and talented girls out there and i am one slumdog.... loser and failure.

I didnt argued much and said that "you guys might be right, but this is what i think....". Dr. Vinesten, after listening to our arguments and differential said that, the method i have learnt, used reminded me of his med school days ..back in time. When medicine was practice differently, but using my method will take time to come up with diagnostic in clinicals n Boards. But i do understand the electrophysiology behind the ECG. So using this method will never give me wrong diagnostic,..Good work, he said!! And later he did asked me, if I forgot about interview?? I politely apologised.

It was not interview session but instead they just wanted to meet us and make sure we were deserving and passionate abt medicine. We all were final candidates for scholarship. Again, Jamal was not sure, if he was going to win. But he did win...even though he was loser, a SLUMDOG, who turned out to be ultimate winner...and he did get his love at the end. I was Jamal ...but i am not sure if i am ultimate winner, but i am a SLUMDOG, seating in place of Jamal, and lot of things yet to figure out!!!...

I sat down and again this card started bothering me, i took it out of my pocket and unfolded it..said it..."you are always going to be put on edge and you enjoy doing it???".....

I said to myself "losen up and relax, nothing matter more then life and death, as it might seems" :)....it was time to go home....just like Jamal went back his home with his gf, i went back home with my memories of him with that card...

...i came back to my room and put that card back into the box...hoping again...it won't come out!!!

Parvy