Letter to God...

Dear God, how are you? I am fine n happy and i hope you are sailing in the same boat and doing fabulous.
I will try to be precise since you are really busy...I might be saying the things that you already know...so please forgive me for that.

Back in time, we were on same page, and inseparable as my faith and believe in you was quite strong. But, I don't know how we got separated and currently, we are on different chapters of a same book....which is about my life. Last night i was sitting on my bed and I starred at the wall and there was the picture of you right by the wall clock. I don't remember when was the last time i said your name "waheguru" or "jai mata di"..i can't remember when was my last morning prayer......

When I was in my early teens in India, I was believer but was never regular in doing prayers, just like most of the teenagers. Used to go to temple on tuesdays and gurudwara on sundays. Sometimes prayed right before the exams.. . Never thought so deeply about you...I think we both were cool..because i never asked you much....

Then you decided for a roller coaster ride and new life began from a scratch in US. It was huge transition in my life. I was overjoyed to see my dad after a looooonnng time, but I missed home and life there. I used to be a free birdy... played with little kids and friends, school life was awesome. But suddenly, you caged me, there was nothing ....no friends, the culture was different, so parents became somewhat more cautious. It was hard to communicate with cousins because of different life style.

No doubt, that everything around me was beautiful, the mountains, the valleys, the sparkling highways, big buildings, the malls, and beautiful people as well............... But i came from different world, which wasn't that beautiful physically, but i was really happy in it. In this new world I was really lonely. One day, i told my father, that .......I don't like America, as I don't have any friends. He said, its normal, as it takes time to adjust in new place and he said ....he felt awkward too in the beginning. He said... its tough and things will mellow down by worshiping you.... That's when you were formally introduced in my life, and slowly things did got better. I was aware this change was due to my prayers and faith in you. Because you were giving me strength to fight against all odds. I could feel you in my serenity. Life improved and I started adjusting in new world...thanks for doing that...

I tried to be modest and honest in my prayers and avoided taking credit for accomplishments in academics. I always thanked YOU for YOUR blessings. It also true that i didn't get everything i wanted , ...but at that time i never complained..because i was ok with it.

I believe in working hard, not just praying alone...you are very well aware of that.

Slowly and slowly my prayers started going in vein. I started working harder, thinking that I am the one who is not making enough effort. I did cried and complained at times when you left me alone.....just like a little child who cries when his parents leaves him. I didn't wanted to lose my faith in you, because you were my spine and it was hard to imagine a life without you. But things got worse around me, and I started feeling terrible, and you never came forward to help me.... Worse come to worse,.....my cold war began with you. I stopped asking you, by not praying. Now I am just quiet no complains whatsoever...

I don't know you anymore. There is your picture on the wall, but i don't feel your presence anymore. I have ignored you, because you have done ditto. You started this procedure of drifting apart, I never wanted this to happen. My heart is not ready to admit that i have lost you. I have tried to console my heart by saying that i am not good person, I don't deserve your blessings...and its taking time to accept your loss in my life.
I have stopped giving you credit in my life...you are not there anymore...
Unfortunately, i am scared of praying, I am scared of you....... I think if I will ask you for anything..... that particular thing i am never gonna get....Prayers are formed in my mouth, but they are never processed into sounds waves by my brain....there is no utterance of words.......I am just quiet...you know that.

May be its your way of fooling us, by FIRST listening to our prayers, and making us dependent on you..and....When we start believing you, one day out of blue you just decide to leave us....what is that... really? why you do that? Nobody can know your hidden agendas? Do you find happiness in our miseries...you might say.....NO? But let me tell you, you are lying, because I could see you making people suffer...breaking families, making kids orphan, the heartbreaks, the poverty, the hunger...isn't that the part of your entertainment....

Oh!!! boi....i can't say anything further....

Dear god, I finally articulated my feelings into words and I was trying to do this for a long time now.....and if you are hurt by my words, I am really sorry. Thanks for your time...and good things in life, but our cold war is certainly not over yet...

I don't know if i miss you in my life. I am not angry with, because you might think so, but I can't imagine having you back in my life....because I am and happy without you...

Yours Trully
Parvy!!!