World of IN-CAPABILITIES

Today, I was hesitant to leave for my another job at Sutter hospital. I had been working for oncology department before I took break from it and was working for ADC. After a while, I was going back to the same department, this thought was making me uncomfortable. I left for Sutter around 4:30 Pm from my lab.  I was looking at my watch and counting the hours i have to be on the floor of oncology dept.  While waiting for the elevator to the 4th floor of the hospital, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for few quick seconds. Here was my elevator to the hopeless world. 

Oncology is not my favorite field of medicine, since there is no hope. This is the field that actually shows that no matter how hard human tries to cut the chase of life and death, BUT ....we can't never win. Taking steps towards the west side of the fourth floor, I was feeling nothing..... completely NUMB. 

I have ran away in these corridors to the bathroom or stock room to flea myself from misery of the patients. For me Oncology department represent the "Incapable World"

    All of nurses were happy to see me again. But i was PRETENDING to be happy and there was FAKE smile on my face.  I love serving people, but when people suffer or die due to medical in-capabilities they leave me behind with thousand unanswered questions.  

       As i got upto the nurses station, there was call from room #12, I went down to see what patient needed..... I went into the room and white woman in her late thirties...bald and was suffering from the Breast Cancer. Few month before she gave birth to baby boy, that was when her family found out about her cancer. In very early morning, she had chemotherapy, which  was making her noxious . She was puking all over. Her two little boys were scared to see their mom in worse condition. She asked her husband to take their kids in the lobby.  Younger one, was crying badly. As her kids were leaving her....... she started crying as well. At that very moment i started feeling low. These are situations that make my job even harder. I have to act compose since it was my job......I controlled my tears and quickly called the doctor and another nurse for help, as she was fainting and I was becoming blank.....

Few minutes later after helping her, I went to lobby to inform her husband that he can go ahead and be with his wife. He was trying to cheer up his boys. Looking at him, i told myself that we all pretend to be happy, but we all have different reason to fake our happiness.....

    I went upto his kids and asked their names and their ages. Both of them were so naive and innocent. I was thinking about the tragedy of life.... these poor little kids will soon lose their mother, they won't be even able to see their mother, touch her, kiss her, hug her, I became really emotional. Before, breaking down into tear in front of them...i took deep breath and hugged both of them.  

Huh.....one family will break into pieces.... one more family has become victim of CANCER, and  I asked myself is this something new for me?????? 

 Finally, I was back to "World of In-capabilities......."

~Parvy