The Raaga of Strange Land..

The day i have landed here, in this strange land, among strange people. I hear a different music played by the nature here~ the canopy of trees, the waves of the ocean, the language of locals, the language that i am learning.....all, I mean all of them, suddenly seems to have different rhythm all together, different raagas. I feel like unexperienced child, who is learning from the beginning, how to play musical instrument like guitar or piano. There is hesitation, I don't know why...??? If I didn't played this instrument correctly, it will produce white noise rather than,  harmonious song. 

Walking down, up and down the hill, my minds become out of control, as it starts thinking at the speed of light and all of sudden I am left in dilemma, which makes my life overwhelming.  The raaga of this new song that life is playing is hard to follow, hard to understand and hard to learn at the same time. 

My plans switch from minute to minute. I miss home, and my loved ones. I feel that I don't know myself sometimes..? Sometimes most of the day is spend in the solitude with books, when there is no one to even call my name...I feel that I am pre-mature born baby in the incubation. I couldn't stop crying when Ma said that she miss listening my giggles at home. Today, there were no initial plan of mine to go to beach, but I thought at least, silent waves of ocean will understand the tranquility that is increasing by every passing minute in my soul. 

The raaga's of this strange land makes me happy at one moment and another moment I am left pondering... I hated this, it totally reminds the days of volunteer-ship at New horizon school for handicap student. When I used the sign language to communicated with kids there, I feel no less then them, because those kids had so many things to say, to do...... but their disabilities prevented them from telling their feelings, from doing the things they would have love to do. I am not disabled with grace of god, but there is helplessness, the silence that I hear,  even though there is white noise of people walking by me, laughing etc etc. But i feel that I am standing still and people are passing through me and I don't exist anymore in this strange land which has it own raags....everything is beautiful but why my heart is sinking????

But when I say my feeling carelessly not thinking about consequences  I get confuse that if i had said more than I should have??? Am i am making myself vulnerable? Are there rules, that I have to follow?? Where are things going? Am i happy?? And are others happy??? 

Parvy